When I was a junior in high school, I went on a mission trip to the Rio Grande Valley. I’ve always loved mission trips, but this one was special, and I knew it had more to do with the work God was doing in my heart than the work I was doing in His name. It was on this trip that I accepted my calling into vocational ministry.
I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I felt uneasy and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why, so I put in my headphones and went for a walk around the campsite. The song that came on was “Fullness” by Elevation Worship. I eventually had to stop walking because I was crying so hard, and it was in that moment that I knew the Lord was calling me to ministry.
That moment was more than three years ago and has since shaped my life to be what it is today. Although it was such an insignificant detail at the time, the idea that “Fullness” was the soundtrack of that memory has stuck with me. I’m a big fan of the idea that the Lord is purposeful in even the most insignificant of moments. As I have thought on that moment over and over, I have been struck with the song choice being as purposeful to my life today as it was then.
Finding satisfaction and fullness in Christ is one of the most tough things a follower of Christ can grasp. It’s also one of the most rewarding. When we finally understand that our satisfaction and fullness is only complete when we look for it in Him, we start to release the expectation that something else in this life could ever fulfill us more. However, as imperfect people, we will always seek to find fullness in literally anything other than God. It's how we have been hardwired- it's our nature. We search for it in achievements, like being a starter on the varsity team, earning the coveted promotion, or getting the hard-earned A+. If you're anything like me, you search for it in the relationships you surround yourself with- the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend, the perfect set of friends, or the perfect family. Although these things bring temporary satisfaction, they always leave you searching for more.
I love the musical Hamilton. I think it paints a perfect picture of what the search for satisfaction can look like if we turn our eyes away from the fullness of the Lord. One of the most prominent plot points in the musical is the idea that Alexander Hamilton was never satisfied. He always wanted more. And if you're catching what I'm putting down, it shouldn't be too much of a spoiler to point out that he never found satisfaction in any of his accomplishments. What he had was never enough for him. Although he meant well, he never knew how to find fullness- because he was looking inward at what He could accomplish instead of turning His gaze outward toward what the Lord has already accomplished.
When we fix our eyes on the world and what it can do for us, we will always fall short of being full. Instead we must find fullness in Him- His love, His strength, His faithfulness, His grace. Ephesians 3:17-19 promises "that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." We find our fullness in Him when we begin to understand that our sin left us deserving nothing, but in His kindness and grace, we were given everything by His sacrifice on the cross. My sin left me deserving nothing. All I can ever do is fail God! But by His precious, steadfast, and relentless love for me, I gained eternal life in His death.
It is in His sacrifice that we find fulfillment. I get the chance to wake up every day and remind myself of all that the Lord has done for me even though I could never deserve it. When I am already full of the Lord's love for me, I no longer need to find fulfillment in the things of this world. The relationships that once gave me my worth, the grade that I once found pride in, the title that I ached and yearned for all fall away and mean so little in comparison to the eternal love that has already been offered to me. A full cup doesn't yearn for more. A full cup doesn't feel the pain of rejection when what was never really needed in the first place (the job, the boyfriend, the grade, the affirmation) is withheld. When we find fullness in Christ, in His sacrificial and endless love, nothing can rip us from the foundation we have built on His truth.
I think God was on to something when my shuffle brought up the song "Fullness" that night. It is a song of promise, a song of peace. It is a reminder to me that even in my call to ministry, I will never be fulfilled if I am not constantly reminded of His love and His faithfulness. I will never be satisfied if I don't remind myself of the gospel in every waking moment. His love is worth the reminder!
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